If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
