i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
