dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
