Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
