So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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