...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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