ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
