The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
