dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
