You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Randomize
