your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
