you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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