We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
