Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
