Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
