my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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