i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
