walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
