was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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