i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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