I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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