I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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