i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
