can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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