kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
