I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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