your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
