hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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