we made out on top of his cat.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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