Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
