what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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