I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
