i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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