There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
