It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
