I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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