I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just gift wrapped bread.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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