He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Oh god it's open bar.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
