just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
