I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
