I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
