Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
