How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
