That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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