so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
