cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
