I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
