i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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