Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
