It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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