I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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