I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
