remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
